I am a different person when I spend time away from home. I can relax, I can sleep easily, I awake feeling good about the coming day. I can focus on anything I want to knowing I will not be ripped from my own thoughts by loud, harsh noises raining down from above.
Returning to my home I feel the dread closing in, as if I am walking into a prison cell. Even if the noise is not present when I enter, I know that it will come. Almost immediately I feel myself transform into another person - a person who is anxious and fearful, jumpy and depressed. It is like a light goes out inside me knowing that I have to live here until change comes.
The noise did come and it came loud. Three hours and three pairs of outdoor shoes running around all over the property upstairs. Three hours of doors slamming, furniture grinding and random thuds and bangs. It was impossible to find a place in my home, the place that is supposed to be my sanctuary from the world, to sit without noise. Loud noise.
Currently I do not have a bedroom. I sleep in whichever room I guess will have the least disturbance. I don't always guess right.
Life, like the chairs on the laminate flooring above me, grinds on.
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Showing posts with label depression. Show all posts
Friday, 2 January 2009
Sunday, 21 December 2008
Noise Weekend
Yesterday I wanted to spend the day organising gifts, wrapping, writing cards and relaxing with my partner. We planned to do all these things and then watch a couple of classic films we rented.
The noise began - thundering, thumping, vibrations, doors slamming and people running and jumping. I could not sit in our lounge because the noise was so bad and every time I entered the room my heart rate increased and I felt stressed. It is made worse because the owner of the flooring knows that the flooring creates noise and so it seems that we are being bullied by noise. I went to the back of the apartment and I could still hear the bangs and feel the vibrations.
Eventually it got so bad that we left our home. We went to the cinema but there was nothing that we wanted to see, we have seen all the good films recently as we have been driven out most weekends. We found a quite place to eat a meal and we found ourselves killing time so that we wouldn't get home until after 9pm when the children seem to be put to bed and the noise is less than a crescendo.
Unfortunately the noise was still going on. I had nowhere to go. No matter what room I was in I was being subjected to thumping and banging and vibrations. I went to bed feeling stressed out, anxious and depressed. Doors were being slammed after 11pm.
This morning I was roused from sleep by thumping and rattling being force fed into my home and life by someone above me. Three hours later and the noise has not subsided. It is in every room. I feel hopeless and depressed. I look outside at the weather and cannot think of anywhere that I can go to escape this noise. I feel trapped.
There are people running, jumping and banging and what sounds like wrestling above my head, my lights are actually shaking and there is nothing that I can do about it.
The noise began - thundering, thumping, vibrations, doors slamming and people running and jumping. I could not sit in our lounge because the noise was so bad and every time I entered the room my heart rate increased and I felt stressed. It is made worse because the owner of the flooring knows that the flooring creates noise and so it seems that we are being bullied by noise. I went to the back of the apartment and I could still hear the bangs and feel the vibrations.
Eventually it got so bad that we left our home. We went to the cinema but there was nothing that we wanted to see, we have seen all the good films recently as we have been driven out most weekends. We found a quite place to eat a meal and we found ourselves killing time so that we wouldn't get home until after 9pm when the children seem to be put to bed and the noise is less than a crescendo.
Unfortunately the noise was still going on. I had nowhere to go. No matter what room I was in I was being subjected to thumping and banging and vibrations. I went to bed feeling stressed out, anxious and depressed. Doors were being slammed after 11pm.
This morning I was roused from sleep by thumping and rattling being force fed into my home and life by someone above me. Three hours later and the noise has not subsided. It is in every room. I feel hopeless and depressed. I look outside at the weather and cannot think of anywhere that I can go to escape this noise. I feel trapped.
There are people running, jumping and banging and what sounds like wrestling above my head, my lights are actually shaking and there is nothing that I can do about it.
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